Welcome back to White Rose of Avalon, my Darlings.   For today’s blog post, I will be discussing something that has been on my mind a lot lately.   That topic is toxic communication, which we see in fandom circles and spiritual circles far too often, and even just in general.   It bothers me when opinions cannot be expressed respectfully and with a bit of kindness.   After all, we need not agree with someone, or even like them, to show decency and respect.   Oh, and as a side note, this is a long one.    As you will see, I went very nuanced after I got into the topic, and it evolved into a discussion of how to balance expressing truths with still having empathy.   Writing this post definitely showed me just how complex and nuanced this topic is, and my feelings on it.   Which is why what began as a more outright plea to be a bit kinder evolved into a nuanced discussion on balancing empathy with expressing opinions and setting boundaries.   So, with that being said, let’s get into it!        

So, the inspiration for this post has been a lot of what I have been seeing in fandom circles online lately.   For those who may not know, I am a huge fan of certain fantasy series.   This is why I do write about my love for them from time to time here, and share wisdom that can be gained from examining fantasy, supernatural, and horror media.   After all, they are often inspired by myth, legends, folklore, and fairytales.   So, as a Priestess, Enchantress, and Faery Witch, whose work involves learning and teaching through story, this fascinates me.   Maybe that is why I get so invested in fictional worlds: the fact that I can see myself in characters and archetypes present, and also see where older stories have evolved to give us new stories!

In any case, that is the background of what inspired this post.   Now, onto the topic at hand.   I have been seeing an uptick in just pure negativity in how we discuss our favorite fandoms recently.   Sure, I see it on Reddit, but that is something that happens often on that site.   I have also seen this on Facebook Groups and on YouTube.   This is a problem that has plagued many fandoms for years, and it is sad to see an uptick in it again.   After all, there is the well-known story that the reason Leah Pipes left The Originals was because of online bullies making threats against her, all because her character, Cami, was in a relationship with Klaus and these fans preferred him with Caroline.   I was appalled when this happened, especially as I myself am a fan who always wanted Klaus and Caroline to be a couple.   Yet, I would never have bullied an actor on a television show because of this!   It is revolting that people will take their opinions and passions to this level.   This is even more true, especially given that just because one couple is together for a time in a fictional story does not mean they will be together long term.   Another example that horrified me from The Vampire Diaries Universe of shows is that Nikki Reid has been bullied by fans because she is married in real life to Ian Somerhalder, and there are fans who took their love of Damon and Elena being together into shipping the actual actors.   Yes, Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev dated, but that ended; there is no need to be angry about who an actor married!   And there is never a reason to speak badly about his wife all because you wanted him to end up with an actress he worked with.   Sometimes, life does not imitate art, and that is okay.

All of this being said, the vitriol with which people express their opinions is not okay when it leads to attacking other fans or being cruel to people doing their jobs.   We can express dissent and dislike without the personal attacks.   Most recently, I have seen a lot of this type of energy from people who hated Practical Magic 2.   I enjoyed the film, even if it is not perfect, and I really do think it was so much better than I expected, but I  do understand why many did not like it.   However, you do not need to be cruel in the way you express yourself about it.   You can see fans lashing out at one another over these opinions, and it happens across fandoms.   

This all got me to thinking about toxic communication in general.   You see this in spiritual circles where some will be very judgmental and cruel to others who share bits of their own personal practices, stating that they are doing something wrong.   If you are concerned about how something is being presented, or of misinformation being spread, or especially of someone spreading misinformation about a closed practice that they are not a part of, I get wanting to share some knowledge with them.   Yet, we can all do this in a respectful way; it is just about having some tact.   It can start with ‘Oh, actually I think you may have misunderstood’ or ‘Did you know that this is a closed practice?’  After all, even blunt truths and tough love need not be stated as a personal attack.   There is a difference between expressing honesty and living with truth and integrity (which I am a huge proponent of and teach regularly in my classes and on Patreon), and attacking other people on a personal level based on a disagreement.       

Beyond even these areas of toxic communication that I tend to see widely, given I am active in certain fandoms online, and I am a working Priestess and Witch, this is an issue that is even more expansive.   You hear people being mean, cruel, and overly harsh online and even in person.   It is almost expected that this behavior happens online, given that it is easy to forget that there are actual people that you are talking to, usually (but let’s not get into the AI of it all).   This level of candor that becomes cruelty is making its way into day-to-day life also.   At the end of the day, our voices are so powerful.   We can use them to speak up and make change.   And we should!   We need to call out misinformation and lies, but we need to strive to do so without being cruel, without being malicious.   Express your opinions with respect and kindness.   Expressing opinions in a harsh and malicious way only breeds more toxicity.   So, today, I am using my voice to ask for a bit more empathy, compassion, and kindness in the way we communicate with one another.   After all, there are so many things tearing people apart; why add more to that when we can try to be understanding with one another?   I think there is absolutely a place for tough love, and I can definitely be very blunt when expressing truths, but I am not attacking the person, especially if they are simply uninformed.   It really is a balancing act between speaking up, speaking out, and giving a voice to those who do not have the ability to speak for themselves, and simply attacking others.   Personal attacks just breed conflict and toxicity, without creating change.   I think that is the heart of what I am speaking out against here: personal attacks without the nuance to create change, or personal attacks just to spread cruelty!   Because we do not need to attack to speak our minds, and we can get more information out there by backing up our stance with facts (if this is a political or environmental issue, rather than opinion-based with fandom).   You see, as I wrote this, I realized how nuanced the topic and my opinions were.   I want to promote kindness in how we communicate while also promoting having good boundaries and speaking up with truth and integrity.   I think that this can be done in a respectful way and without attacking people, but it is a balancing act, and it is nuanced.   There is also the factor of where to place blame or fault.   Is there really any fault on this person’s part, or are their opinions or beliefs a symptom of a greater problem?   If we can help sway people’s opinions, we can create change, and attacking them will not do that.

So, in conclusion, please use your very powerful voice to speak out against corruption, against harming Nature (I certainly do), and against misinformation (again, I certainly do).   And, yes, get angry, and express that Sacred Rage, as it is important that we share our viewpoints, but please do so with maturity, respect, kindness, and compassion!   For yes, even when we are angry and expressing anger at injustice, we can do so without being malicious.   I find that coming from a place of protectiveness for what you are angry about (be it for myself, a loved one, or the environment) can help to express my opinions without attacking others personally.   We can even be loud and firm, and have solid boundaries, and we definitely should, without expressing this in a malicious or malevolent way!   The same thing can be said for criticism, which can also be done in a nuanced way that does not attack other people personally; you are sharing your opinions, but that does not mean that those whose opinions differ are the enemy.   We create change by using our voices to speak out, but we will not sway others’ opinions if we only attack them.   There is a large difference between a bad person and an ignorant person who does not know any better.   I would encourage you to seek to judge people on their actions, not on their opinions alone, as opinions can shift, but repeated actions show who a person is deep down.   Everything I have written here is not about silencing your voice; I would never do that, as I believe our voices are great gifts.   This is about being mindful of how you use your voice.   After all, we cannot fix toxicity with more toxicity.   Remember to use your voice, but also remember that you have the choice in how you use it, and a little bit of empathy goes a long way.   

I hope you have enjoyed reading this impassioned reflection on toxic communication and balancing speaking your truth with being respectful.   I know it is a bit different than a lot of what I write here, but I truly felt it needed to be said.   In what ways does toxic communication impact your life?   Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Note on Image: The image at the top of the post is a photo titled Artwork Of Mercury With The Sun In The Background by Chris Butler of Science Photo Library.   I chose this art because Mercury is the planet of communication in astrology, and I am also posting this on a Wednesday, the day ruled by Mercury.   I found the image on https://fineartamerica.com/featured/artwork-of-mercury-with-the-sun-in-the-background-chris-butlerscience-photo-library.html.

LINK TO AVALONIAN ROSE FAERY MYSTERIES PATREON: patreon.com/AvalonianRoseFaeryMysteries